Universal Truths

Unproven in the traditional sense, the following 30 statements are and will remain to be true:

1. Although bad for you, smoking is cool.
2. Even if brand new, episodes of Charlie Rose that have the washed out gray color in the background warrant turning off the show.
3. Rudy was the best Cosby kid.
4. You are right, Windows does take longer to boot up as time goes on. And you are wrong, Windows will always take that long to boot up.
5. Prego pasta sauce does have a metallic taste to it.
6. King of the Hill is boring.
7. Arcade games are no better than they were five years ago. Arcade games five years ago were no better than they were five years before that.
8. Kenyon Martin will never admit to fouling anyone.
9. Tablet PCs are stupid.
10. Any slice of pizza more than $1.75 is too much.
11. Tweeters make your car stereo sound like crap.
12. Google is overvalued. Nevertheless, it will reach $450 per share.
13. Hybrid vehicles are filtered cigarettes.
14. We all know you do a half-assed job washing your dishes.
15. The Matrix wasn't as good as you thought it was.
16. Predator was better than you thought it was.
17. Yes, that smell is you.
18. Wiping off the toilet seat does not constitute cleaning it.
19. A wristwatch with any kind of computer, weather information, e-mail, stock information or scheduling information will necessarily fail.
20. Natural Born Killers is not easier to get through the second time around.
21. Navy and black worn together is fine.
22. The inset hinges that Toshiba and Compaq use for their notebooks are hideous.
23. Nobody cares about Bam Margera.
24. The market won't "take care of it."
25. There is such a thing as too much bass.
26. iPods suck.
27. Parking meters that automatically reset when you leave the spot constitutes a government taking.
28. Will Smith plays the same character in every role he does. And yes, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air is unwatchable today, even though it was decent five years ago.
29. If anybody claims they were doing it for "research purposes," they are lying.
30. Gillette will beat out Shick in releasing "The Ocho" in July 2008.